Advice for Young People

Healthy Relationships

Domestic abuse (also called domestic violence) isn’t something that happens as a one off and it’s more than just a general argument.  It’s something that happens constantly.

It happens when one person hurts or bullies another person.  This could be someone who is their partner or who was their partner or someone who is in the same family.  It can happen between people who are going out together, living together, have children together or are married to each other.  It can happen to people who live together or live separately.

Young people can be affected by the abuse that they see and hear and they could be hurt or bullied as part of the domestic abuse between adults.  Young people may also experience abuse from their own boy/girlfriend.

If this is happening in your family or in your relationship, remember you are not alone and it is not your fault.  Domestic abuse happens in many families and there are people who can help you and your family.

Everyone has the right to be and feel safe.

Recognising Abuse

Domestic abuse is when one person bullies and controls another person.

This can be physically hurting them, making them scared, or hurting their feelings all of the time. You may feel scared, sad, worried, confused, angry, and alone.

Abuse – who can you tell?

Talking to someone can help you feel better about things and help you find a solution or someone who can help. Talk to your mum, family member or an adult that you trust (like a teacher or youth worker).

If you feel you have no one you can speak to or if you have told someone and they haven’t done anything about it you can ring childline free on 0800 1111 or follow the link to their website where you can chat online or email.

Domestic Abuse can be:

Physical
• Hitting, pushing, kicking, pinching
• Throwing or smashing things
• Making threats to hurt someone

Sexual
• Making someone do sexual things that they don’t want to do
• Making someone have sex against their will

Emotional
• Constantly putting a person down
• Being shouted at all the time

Psychological
• Constantly checking where someone is
• Constantly checking someone’s phone and/or social media
• Stopping someone seeing their friends or family

Economic
• Not giving them any money
• Checking what money has been spent on
• Stopping someone from having a job
• Taking all their money from them

Bullying
What is Bullying?

Bullying is where someone hurts you either physically, by hitting or kicking you, or verbally by calling you names or teasing you.
Bullying can be done in a number of ways. Someone might be bullying you if they are:

• Calling you names

• Making things up about you

• Teasing you

• Hitting, kicking, pinching, biting, pushing and shoving

• Taking your money or other things away from you

• Leaving you out or excluding you

• Threatening or intimidating you

• Texting you horrible messages

• Filming you on their mobile phones and spreading it about

• Sending you horrible emails or messages on social media or online games.

Bullying Help:

If you are being bullied, tell someone. It won’t go away unless you talk to someone about it.

Being bullied can make your life really miserable and it is best to talk to someone about what is happening.

Talk to your parents or carers or your teacher if the bullying is happening at school. If you feel you can’t talk to your parents or your teacher, try talking to a friend or family member who could talk to them for you. You must tell someone though.

You might want to talk to:-

• Parents

• Grandparents

• Auntie or other relative

• Friend

• Parents’ friend

• Teacher

• School counsellor

• Youth worker

• School nurse

• Mentor

Don’t respond to any bullying or hit back because you could get hurt or get into trouble.

Try to stay in safe areas, if you are hurt at school tell a teacher immediately and make sure you tell your parents or carer. If the bullying is going on at school, the school should operate an anti-bullying policy. Your teacher can’t help if they don’t know you are being bullied.

Keep telling people until the bullying stops. Be prepared as it may not stop the first time you tell your parents or teacher as they try and put a stop to it. If it continues, tell your parents or teacher again.

If a bully sees that they can upset you then they will keep trying, remember no one should be bullied.

In extreme cases, if bullying is interfering with your education and making you miserable it may be possible for you to change schools if it doesn’t stop once you have reported it.

Stay safe online
The internet is great fun but it does have its dangers and it is important to stay safe online.

When you join a chat room you will find people are very friendly but remember the person you are talking to might not always be who they say they are.

If you are being bullied online or via social media report it.

• Never give out your real name

• Never tell anyone where you go to school

• Only meet someone from a chatroom in a public place with one of your parents or another adult. If they are genuinely who they say they are they will be happy to do this

• Never give out your address or telephone number

• Never agree to meet anyone from a chatroom on your own

• Tell an adult if someone makes inappropriate suggestions to you or makes you feel uncomfortable online

Danger signs

• If the person tries to insist on having your address or phone number

• If the person emails you pictures which make you feel uncomfortable and which you would not want to show to anyone else

• If the person wants to keep their chats with you secret

• If the person tells you that you will get into trouble if you tell an adult what has been going on

• If the person emails you pictures which make you feel uncomfortable and which you would not want to show to anyone else

• If the person wants you to email them pictures of yourself or use a webcam in a way which makes you feel uncomfortable

• If the person shares information with you and tells you not to tell anyone else about it

• If the person wants to meet you and tells you not to let anyone know

• If you find any of these danger signs it is important that you tell your parents or another adult.

Staying safe with your phone
Although it’s nice to have your mobile phone handy to chat to friends, don’t flash it about in public because you risk having it stolen. If there’s a locked facility on it choose a secret number so that the keypad is locked when you’re not using it. If someone you don’t know asks to borrow your phone to make a quick call tell them that it’s out of credit and only accepts incoming calls.